Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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