Heybabeimwearingurpanties
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
