i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
