you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
