After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
