Don't you send me to vm
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
