Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
