I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just cropdusted the office
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
