I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
