i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Someone signed my nipple.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
