mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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