have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
