I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize