anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
