12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i dont even know how to be here
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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