So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
