just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I had to cum in my sink.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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