which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
