recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
