I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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