i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize