i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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