she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
