i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
