oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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