Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Pants are for mortals
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
