I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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