Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
