I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
