then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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