I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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