We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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