MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
