It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
