U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
