I should be sponsored by Trojan
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think my moral compass just broke
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