His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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