we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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