Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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