My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
