she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
