Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
