guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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