Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
