i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I queefed so loud it echoed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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