just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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