I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
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