So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
