It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
