The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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