I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
