First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
