Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
