the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
