Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
