you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
