My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
