i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
