Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
