paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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