Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
