i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
