Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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