I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
