I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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