Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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