Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
