Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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