My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
